Pre-Trip

* Please allow me to use present tense in the trip diaries entry.

Day 1 Dec 24th – Dec 25th


It comes finally, a day that waited for so long since after my birthday. Ever forget that I actually love this day since I’m young I think. Never think that I have such a day. It can be said disappointed in my memory. Maybe cant said like that, because the result is obvious and so clearly I’m not deserved that. But somehow I just no going to lie to myself that I do hope some miracle happen. Every time you will just with me during this time, from the first trip I joined till now. I wish I can get some wish and bless before that, but maybe it seems so hard for you and me in this time. This time I’m not only sit down and wait for the miracle. I did something but in the end I can’t change any. Miracles do not happen every time. But at last I got something from you which I do not expected. Which the stuffs you like it the most but not for me. Anyway, as I said I took your favorite as mine, are u sending me a message that u encourages me to do that often?? As mention earlier, the number of time I did means the amount of I miss you…

Things to cheer me up might be the x’mas dinner with the gang. Have a really nice dinner with my favorite chicken marry land. Ya. For the fried banana. (I’ll not complaint anymore k…) I think god still treat me well as he not punished me anymore. Is it the time and amount I suffer for so long time is enough? Because I still having a gang of best friends who really care of me. At least they willing to listen to me and accompany and help me though out everything. Thanks and appreciate when I didn’t have his care, u guys just share with me yours.

Never think of I countdown for X’mas while I’m unloading my back pack from car at KLIA. The first person I see after x’mas is the guy sitting down at the Emirated airline counter to help on checked in. After that, we went in wait for boarding. The train leading to the boarding gate like led me to stay far away from you. Is this my initial plan that I want to go away from you for a while? Now is a question around my mind. I’ll take off in a while more, should I say goodbye before? Never think that call and sms is so luxury between us. Maybe I should write down everything in paper to show you in the future? I decided I sent sms out hope you got the message.

Time to go, sitting down on my seat and look around the plane, reminds me the last time on plane was with you. This time I’m not with the happy feeling as last time maybe just lack of your kisses and hugs. You must be wonder how powerful that it’s mean to be. Browsing the movie list available on the screen, nothing interest after I found this “Star Dust”. The movie I wish it can be real. And I hope it happen on me with you. And my favorite still “love is unconditional” exactly said my words. But somehow when u can’t dedicated to the one you love, it gonna be waste. Ordered a bottle of red wine… Ok from this minutes onward I gonna be happy as I don’t wanna waste my money with this mood. The last conscious things I think on the plane before I sleep…

Conclude of the year of 2007

Its time to conclude the year of 2007…. This is the 2nd year I didn’t at KL for New Year… Both year for a same reason and I was on the plane to the same destination from different location. I did count down so many times on plane as I flew off different time zone... My journey starts last weeks of the year when everybody is busy celebrating their time with their loves one…. Its fun that u going travel on the day of celebration, at least no need to think off what should do on the special day, where should go… I can say it’s really less stressful when your gang keeps asking what’s plan on X’mas or New Year… Well, the trip actually safe me for free of thinking…

Anyway, really appreciated guys…. Thanks for the ride to airport. I got your good bless before I went off. Maybe is believe, like when u get a new jobs, my mum will give me angpau when the 1st day of work, it’s a token of lucky to bless have a smooth and good time. So why I think is important to have somebody to send you before you going somewhere, sure they will wish you have a good journey… that’s what you need before going to trip… although just a ride or maybe a phase but it make different for me.

I’m actually excited for this trip… the place is the dream place which I wish to be there. So my dream lists now will be edited as per below:

1) Paris, France
2) Rome, Italy
3) Bhutan
4) Tibet
5) Nepal
6) Beijing, China
7) Japan
8) Korea
9) Barcelona, Spain
10) Althen


Its seems that I going to achieve it soon wei… next entry will be on my trip diaries… will get it up soon (if…) so allow me to take sometime to manage it … be patient… stay tuned….

what u have changed?

Time flies a brand new year just near the corner. It’s time to review what you have achieved this year? What you have learned in this year? And what have you change this year?

For me, this year definitely not a good year for me (my dearest friend, I’m not trying to be negative, just that happy that the bad year going soon and the new year coming, cross my finger and wish deeply in heart, hope I have a better year coming. Ya as usual, as I said, the more you think, the more you will get it…) I still believe that anything happen for a reason, when you lost the things you like the most maybe the god want you to learn how to appreciate. And as always you will only realize when u really lost it. Somehow human just lack of sensitive towards to the peoples, things that u really like the most, when you have it you will never realize how important and how much influence to you.

And the influence is that something really small, tiny and even u didn’t realized, in the way of thinking, the way of talking, the way of doing something. When you with someone long enough you will definitely being influence by them. This might be there for a time and you will just keep repeating it at last become the habit, for example like your other half is a shark lover, and refused to eat shark fins. Somehow you’ll refuse to eat shark fins and become the shark lover. Or if your lover likes something spiritual thinking, maybe someday you found yourself in love with such knowledge.

Not so surprising if you see a couple have a common interest and the way the talk; think or doing something somehow just look a like. They spent lots of time to study each other, to understand each other. Definitely they have enough time to influence each other. And if you have few relationships that are mean you actually combine few people’s shadow in you. The life you live now is a combination of few peoples. Somehow when you miss some one you will remember their habit. Conclusion is actually every one of us already lost their habit. Because they are living with other’s habit. This is why when the time you broke up become so painful, at this moment only u realized that how many actually you being influenced and how much you changed in this relationship and how much you miss them when u doing the same habit with them.

Now I started forget how to be myself, and started to forget what habit actually belongs to me…..

Scent...

Scent is an odor left in passing by which a person or animal can be traced. And scent is actually unique. Simply means that actually every one of us have own scent which we didn’t aware of realized, somehow it only be aware by the person who closed to u. like your partner, lover and only can be smell when you hug each others or when you get to them very closely. The scents from the person are naturally, so no artificial content. (I’m not meaning of the perfume). And the great part is that everybody’s scent is different and can be said unique.

You may created taste, may recording or captured an object or whatever you like. But somehow scent is something u can’t taste, record, captured or touch. It only can be stored into your memory. You can’t even describe it but you will remember when you smell it again. And don’t be surprised that you never get wrong. You will never forget the person’s scent. Even you didn’t keep in touch with a person long time. When the memory, looks, voice are unfamiliar to you, but when you got chance to smell it again their body’s scent, just like everything came back together. Then only you realized that actually you never forgot anything about this person.

I might have this kind of experiences and now I realized that I actually so miss his scent. So be more aware of the scent that the person you love. And you will appreciate the smell actually is the precious to you right now.

Something just cant be explained

Long time ago, someone told me that our life change actually is depending on the movie that u watched, a person that u met, and a song that u listened to. Don’t think this kind of entertainment just give u a happy hour but it actually came with the value that u earned which somehow u didn’t realized about that. For simple example, now a day, the “mat rempit” issues getting worse, and cant be deny is actually came from the impact of the movie itself. This is the extreme case, what I mean here, simple that we actually can take from the movie with a good value. It is more important.

I love movie so much, I enjoyed every moment of the movie, even through happy, not happy, romance, even action movie I’ll just like to watch. Maybe I’m the person like to listen to story, and movie told me every wonderful story.

Still remember a movie that I watched few years ago, is a Japanese movie called “Love Letter” (I believe many people heard of this movie but somehow no chance to watch it). Ya, it only showed on International screen which only found at the limited cinema and for limited time. And u can’t get this VCD so easily. (For those want have an idea that what movie I actually talking about, can visit: http://imdb.com/title/tt0113703/). I just love this movie so much, because of it touching, beautiful act and a fantastic story. Somehow till today only I know how real this movie is, and how impact its influence me.

I like the part where the guys like to hang out at library, for sure he went because of his dream girl who same name with him, till the ending only realized, why the guys need to borrow so many books and not because he read the books but he actually wrote the name of the girl. And the best part is, the guys found a fiancé who is looks like the dream girl.

I agree that the preference of a person. Who actually will choose a similar looks again for their partner. So you might now realize why your friend’s girlfriend or boyfriend’s the looks are so similar. Beside that, the touching part, which the guy did on the library borrow card, He wrote the name in every single books. And the girl only realized after he died. I believe that when u miss or love someone definitely will do something which u think can remind u of them, like if the person that u miss so much like to eat chocolate, for sure you’ll eat chocolate when u miss them.

For me, the person that I miss so much, things that remind me of him, is the word he usually said. And which I didn’t say it when I’m with him. But now I did speak the words so frequent. Every time when I speak, write I actually miss him; therefore, how frequent I speak out can be equally how much I miss him. So folk, if u realized what is that words, which I didn’t speak usually, but it does now, please don’t ask me why. It just can’t be explained.

Never Give Up

I was having a drink with 1 of my very special friend. And we talk about marriage. I actually understand man is scared to deal with commitment when situation come about marriage, more ridiculous and funny is they will have some thinking like actually they r really love someone but somehow because of his scare and insecure, they will just go away from u. And the question I always asked do they leave some choice for us??

From my point of view, and I'm very honest but my comment doesn’t apply to everyone. I hope I can marry to the man I love and live happily ever after. This is the dreams or fairy tales for every girl. But somehow it’s only come true during your dreams time. I realized that actually marry like u run a business. U will fall in love on the product u sell, you'll choose a nice packaging, nice location, nice branding for the product u selling, and you'll put on all affords on that just want to gain not only profit but also reputation from all the sources from your business. Like the peoples always said that the difficult part is how's u manage it. Like in the relationship, the hardest part is how u manages it. Don’t u think that u want give up your business so easily? After all you’re hard work and affords, time, investments putting in. Just like relationship, can u really said give up and run away just like that? I believe that it’s happen and cant said the people are selfish but they just dun have a strong minded to stay on.

And I found out the big problem is they like to change. Yes I know if the situation not so good, things have to be change. I'm not the person afraid to change, just that my thinking like u already in the half way of somewhere, u rather to choose a new way to continue all over again or u keep on going the way where u suppose to be. And my choice will be the second choice. I can’t foresee the future what going to be look like, or I can’t predict what will happen tomorrow. I just have believed that I want go straight and concentrated on one way rather than two. I believe that the future is created by us. If I stay on and focus, I'm sure I can see it. Like see the rainbow after rain?? And I think is better that if u chooses a new way to starts all over again and again. Lastly u won’t get anything u wan. I know I'm stubborn, but what I think is I'm not easy to give up anything, coz I want see the future and I want to prove that actually I’m worth to not giving up.

Now a day, I believe it’s difficult to find someone who really can understand u and supporting u in everything or someone is care and appreciates u. And it’s hard to find people who are willing to go with u for the future. No matter now u doesn’t own anything and is better to have someone who is willing to work out with u to gain the things u want for the future. But somehow they will just leave us although they actually are love u so much. It’s really cruel to kill people's dreams or wish and the worst part is they did it to force us to give up. And this is just to fulfill they actually want to invest in others. But at last actually is not happy. Is it really worth?? I'm wonder how many times they want change. And lastly my thinking still simple, I'm willing to support and work together with the one I love just that after both earned something together then only the time to think about marriage. Although somehow marriage is just the ceremony but I know I wan it when both are ready to have it. Am I too greedy to demand it?